aren't you supposed to SLEEP during a sleep test??

i had my sleep test this past week. i didn't like it one bit.

i arrived at the sleep center at 9pm. 9pm is my usual bed time these days, so i showed up in my pajamas. there were a few other people there for a sleep test, and only one sleep tech, so it took her a while to get everyone wired up. since i arrived last, i was wired last. i read my book in my little room for about an hour before it was my turn. this was my room:

not much in my room except a bed, a nighstand, a few pictures hanging on the wall, and a mirror. oh, and this:

that's a camera, staring straight at the bed.

so, finally the sleep tech came in and got me all wired up for bed. the whole process took about 30 minutes. when she was done, i had 5 electrode pads on my face, another 6 on my head, 2 on my neck, 2 on my chest, 2 on my legs, 2 straps around my chest, wires in my nose, a breath sensor that sat on my lips, and a pulse reader on my right index finger.

that thing i'm holding in my left hand is the panel with all my wires. that panel was then plugged in near the bed, and i was unable to get out of bed without calling the tech to unhook me.

by the time the tech turned off the lights, it was about 11:30pm. there was no clock in the room, so the only light came from a circle of small red LED lights that surrounded the lens of that camera on the wall....a constant, eerie reminder that someone is always watching.

for the first few minutes i stared at that camera thinking how creepy it was that they were watching me lay in bed. i started to wonder if i was suddenly part of some secret government experiment. i started to imagine i was going to wake up and realize i had no idea where i had been or what had happened for the previous 12 hours.

however, then i started to remember i had electrode pads all over my head, and "they" could be reading my mind. i know you can't read minds through the electrode pads. but because i was extremely tired, in a weird room and wired to a bed, i decided it might be a good idea to think nice thoughts about aliens and government conspiracies, just in case they could read my thoughts.

i would start thinking about how creepy it was that a camera was staring at me while i had wires coming out of everywhere and was supposed to be sleeping. but then i would think, "uh oh. what if they heard me think that? i'm just kidding....it's not at all creepy that a camera is staring at me. and, i'm very comfortable with these wires on my head and in my nose. and, that sleep tech seemed like a wonderful lady. i'm not at all worried that she's going to torture me in my sleep."

eventually i must have fallen asleep, because i had some weird dreams, but i was awake for a good part of the night. finally i summoned the tech to unhook me to go to the bathroom at about 6am, and she took off the electrode pads. some of them had been taped pretty well to my face, so they took a little skin when ripped off.

i certainly hope i don't have to have another one of those soon. not very fun. i do want to mention, however, that the place i went was actually very nice and the people were very helpful. it's just a lame test that would be uncomfortable no matter where i went.

out.
- L